Well apparently some followers just aren't

Well apparently some followers just aren't quick enough on the uptake the old man thought. I wonder how many times this has to happen before they get plowed under a pile of

Coors Genuine Draft. The old man was crafty. The old man was sly. The old man was going to get these Winsconsinites to buy him a breakfast scramble. So the old man scratched his

right nut and brought his crusty fingernails up to his nose to take a deep whiff. "Just like Pa' used to make". Dennis brought out the Pilsbury Breakfast Pastries and we got down

to brass tacks. "Did you dump the carcass?" Dennis asked, licking the warm cinnamon goo off of the tray. "There was nothing left to dump," Carmittle replied. "Nothing I could've

done -- no drugs, psychotherapy, aerobics, tai chi, self-torture, etc., could have prevented me from eating that carcass. I was starving!" Carmittle belched. Dennis stared at her

As she became a vulture and polished it off sooner than he could create a hole in the roof she could fly out of to parts unknown, joining her best feathered friends. This was quite

a bad case of swallowed landmine. Elephants rarely suffer from this dreaded savannah ritual but it is popular with the Instagramless elephants of the jungle as a type of suicide st

atement. Those instagramless elephants rarely perform this dreaded type of suicide, as sometimes the swallowed landmine will grow into a tree, and not explode.

There are places in Africa, they say, where whole forests have grown from such trees. Some call them the Forests of Disappointment, others refer to them as the Forests of Mercy.