I saw my cat eat a black water vole leaving

I saw my cat eat a black water vole leaving nothing but its green spleen. That vole is an endangered species. Should I shop my cat for illegal between meal snacks?

Mandy scratched her head in bewilderment. She'd heard that the Turing test was a tough number, but she'd never expected this. Could a real person actually have said that? The only

thing worse than the Turing test is when they trot out the fat machine and it asks you the impenatrable question: "Am I fat?" That'd made Mandy's head twist like a french donut.

That'd made Mandy's fat buttocks wiggle like a sperm army on an egg hunt...made her breasts bounce like a trampolinist on crack. But that was only the beginning of her trouble...

After that, her clothes started getting too small; she had to give everything to Goodwill...Sharon Goodwill...who had the largest breasts and buttocks implants on the planet!

"Doctor Feelgood, I have a problem" I complained over the phone, "Those breast and buttock implants you gave me are swelling and now I have to sit about the house naked and the guy

Next door was stunned at how I put on a leopard robe to get the mail. His pet lion is jealous. I was reading the Onion when my pet leopard answered the phone. It was you replying.

I had let you get the better judgement of me before but I wasn't going to let that happen again. I walked out of my house again, leopard robe and all, and screamed to the world

"I'm mad as hell, and I'm not gonna take it anymore!" I looked down from the sky to see my daughter's mortification, as all the kids on the bus saw me standing in my leopard robe.

As I contemplated suicide, a halogenic animal control officer caught a glimpse of my leopard robe and shot three sleeping darts into my neck, causing me to fall on the asphalt roof