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The moment I think I am carefree in this

  • The moment I think I am carefree in this world the unbreakable bindings that keep me in this depression called reality remind me to carry on being me.

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  • Reality, I figured, is called that because it's the opposite of imaginary. Though I wish and I wish, that I could escape the hell hole called reality, I cannot because what's the

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  • point? How can we distinguish the difference between reality and the imaginary anyway? What if the truth is really just a fabrication? "Dude, eat your tots," my friend Joseph told

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  • me for the millionth time. I annoyed Joseph, but he was still my friend. I stared at my tots. Were they real? I ate one. Or did I only imagine that I ate one? "DUDE! EAT YOUR TOTS!

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  • " I scolded, "Joseph, You friggin' idiot. I ate one and it tastes like vaseline." It was tough being Napoleon Dynamite but I had to. My friend, Joseph frowned at me. "Whats up with

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  • that voice you keep putting on." "It's a Jon Heder impersonation," I replied, hoping he would get it. Joseph was usually good with these things. "I hate it, stop," He begged, but

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  • by now I had gone completely mad with the power I had over other people when I used my Jon Heder voice. People would literally drop everything and play tether ball with me. Whole

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  • industries rose and fell upon my Jon Heder voice. When I said liger in my Jon Heder voice it was parsed by the intelligence services to figure out who the liger represented. Russia

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  • chimed in, (inconspicuously, of course) on social media and on the infamous Moscow Invisible Blitzkreig (MIB - a podcast). Their sole comment? "Vote Pedro." Hmmm. Game on!

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  • But the KGB, which sees no problems with naked assassins, quibbled about how the podcast suggestively recounted their number-one spy's latest exploit. It wasn't a clean operation.

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