I'll have a lite sabre churro, a wookie wafer

I'll have a lite sabre churro, a wookie wafer and two Princess Stickybuns

. The pimply-faced teenager behind the counter stared at me through thick lenses. "Are you 12 or under?" he asked sarcastically. "Star Wars kids meals are for only for, uh, kids."

I breathed heavily through my black helmet & thought about drawing my lightsaber. The insolence of youth! I noted his nametag: Luke. Coincidence?

Activating the weapon, I was disappointed to discover that it was bent. This paled, however, in comparison to realizing that I was not in fact wielding a lightsaber. The young man

can be so stupid, or so Yoda always told me. What I was wielding was a flash light. However, the idiocy confused the Sith Lord which allowed me just enough time to use the force

to pull the oriental rug he was standing on. The Sith Lord, arms wind-milling, fell backwards into the convenient exhaust port. "Cool," I said and switched off my flash light.

This was the nest folding story line yet for today. The Sith Lord's family wept and threatend to kill me for finishing this line - and laughing out loud. The brown bombers arrived.

They were a family of pelicans who nested in the Sith Lord's chimney and left offerings of processed food on his car. Finally, the Sith Lord had had enough, and

decided it was time to begin a dietary regiment. He texted his friend Malcolm, who happened to be a full-fledged American shaman, with a specialty in body transformations.