Take a fist and put it through a Zombies

Take a fist and put it through a Zombies chest, grab whatever hot and salty goo is in there and twist. That's how I like to start my morning. Grim. Fetid. Committed.

The job I had interviewed for three years ago at cordon bleu. The guy still remembered me, probably because I called constantly to find out about a second interview.

I'd be damned if I didn't cash in my 2nd chance to land my dream job as chef of the cordon bleu. I had to win a cookoff between me & a chubby french guy to make the most innovative

use of fish brains, mandrake root, and the placenta of a new born messiah. The judges wanted to see the use of at least three of the Forbidden Cooking Techniques of The Mad Cook of

Warrensburg, Missouri. These techniques included the tossing of raw eggs at least ten feet in the air before cooking, the use of sheep eyes as wedding cake decorations, and the

Missourians love it. They say long and happy marriages come to those who start each day with a fermented egg smashed against the forehead. This is why I knew I had to get myself

some chickens and a rooster. I built them a coop in the living room, and I moved my bedroom to the basement...to better ferment the eggs. Unfortunately, my preoccupation with eggs

SUUUUUUUUUCCCCCKKKKKKKEEEEEEEEEEDDDDDDDDDDDDDD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! The eggs exploded and french people suddenly ate them.

Within minutes, it was a crisis; within hours, a life-threatening plague. The French infected the Italians who infected the Britts who infected the Americans. Zombie Apocalypse.