Giant yellow letters surrounded in an angry

Giant yellow letters surrounded in an angry red circle reflected onto his face, distorting his intent with a hateful hue. He'd meant for the look to be humorously scornful, but

it came off as just plain mean. My dog wimpered and curled up on the ground. I said, "What is your problem?" He slapped the hood of his car and said, "Time to pay the

piper," and then aimed his makeshift crossbow at my chest. "Do your worst," I muttered unafraid. For you see, there is A LOT of underwire in this corset. Plenty to stop an arrow.

He must have thought so too, because he tossed the crossbow aside and pulled out a musket. I paled. "Not so ballsy now, huh?" he growled, leveling his gun at my corseted chest.

I ducked, mostly of our fear but something kicked in, too. Some sort of instinct. My body moved as if it were of its own volition. Suddenly

which made me regret I forgot to buy a new package of Depend at the Piggly Wiggly last night. Embarrassed, I scurried over to

the bulk food section, grabbed two large plastic bags, slipped them over my shoes and pants cuffs, tied them tight around my ankles and managed to catch most of the diarrhea drip

--well, at least the bulk of it. Anyway, that's how I lost my last job. So, when can I start?"

"You can start getting the hell out of my building as soon as your little legs can carry you" the rude man said, shuffling me off the premises. Unemployment's a bitch.