Congratulation >NAME REDACTED<! You are now

Congratulation >NAME REDACTED<! You are now the proud owner of the new Visa Plutonium Card! You can now get extra reward points for all of your defense and munitions needs!

Ooh, another reason to buy a new hover ballista. My last one kind of floated off (sorry about that, Flight 62, RIP). I'll use the Visa points to fund >NAME REDACTED<'s Vigilantes

Jam. It's a jam made from revenge which, with a really evil stiletto I will spread on toasted

Pumpernickel, brushed lightly with savory sandalwood, topped off with tomatoes collected posthaste at a veggie punk show. This revenge jam is perfect for long walks on the beach

with your running grunion. But don't the let the moonbeams leave you Not So Fresh because you've got Your Destruction in your ballistic shorts. Not as short as it seems. Really.

conducting the London Philharmonic. The orchestra had waited patiently all this time for me to give the down beat and begin the concert. The bassoon player was giving me the

evil eye. I stared back at the bassoonist, pointed at him with the baton and drew it under my neck, but the Orchestra misunderstood my gesture and

Played twice as fast as the music called for. Somehow, it sounded okay. The critics loved it, as did the audience. The applause lasted fifteen minutes!

Women and men alike wept at the shear beauty of the 2x speed song. As the night wore down, and the ambulances called for damaged clapping hands left, the lone musician felt good.