Al took his singing masturbation act on the

  • Al took his singing masturbation act on the road, reinventing himself as “Sonny Bone-OH!” Song parodies like “Beat the Meat Goes On” & “A Cowboy Jerks It Till He’s Done” were Al’s

  • bread and butter. He churned them for everything they had in them. Then one night, in Omaha, in the middle of making hand babies while singing "Polishing The Bishop" his hand spasm

  • And he started to share down some radishes. He snarfed them up one by one until they were gone. Then he heard cannon fire in the background. The damned Yankees were coming!

  • Those damn Yankees, with their Yankee Candles and Yankee Ingenuity, and Yankee Doodles. They must've come for our radishes! I ran fast as I could, but those darn stankee Yankees

  • stopped me in my tracks & stuck a feather in my cap AND called me Macaroni! "Macaroni," the one named Yogi said. "Surrender your radishes NOW or..." "Or WHAT?!" I cried defiantly.

  • "Or I'll contact every animal activist group on the planet and tell them that I saw you pluck that feather from a sacred bald eagle" Yogi sneered. "That will boil your pasta!"

  • "But that bald eagle snatched my toupee!" protested the Jellystone Forest Ranger, "Tit for tat! Quid pro quo!" and that's when he quit the service and took a job as president of

  • the facebook group, "Toupees Against Bald Eagles." Like all facebook groups, all they did was complain about bald eagles without doing anything about them. Not to mention they were

  • all secretly jealous that bald eagles had a natural covering for their bald heads. Toupees were never really in style. Then one of them created a Facebook event to raid the

  • infamous Area 51. They needed their toupees back, no matter how unfashionable it was. Their natural baldness would leave them outcasts. "Onward!" the post shouted and it grew.



  1. pinky Nov 25 2019 @ 00:16

    Wow, this certainly was a bendy one! From masturbation to toupees in area 51, not to mention the radishes, eagles, and Yankees.

  2. Beatlezandsl Nov 30 2019 @ 11:49

    You can thank me for the yankee part. I was just reading gone with the wind

  3. LordVacuity Nov 30 2019 @ 13:24

    I guess Gone With The Wind is better than The Boys in the Cellar or Uncle Tom's Diner.

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