but then he died.

but then he died.

"And that is the story of your Uncle Bertram," Momma said, closing the journal. "Go to bed now, little children, and dream dreams of your uncle's brutal, horrific, untimely death."

The children reluctantly climbed into bed. "I'm sorry Uncle Bertram is dead mommy." She smiled, closed the door. In her room, she pulled the covers back and Bertram's corpse was

revealed. But then, she found out it was a body double. She noticed he didn't have that birth mark near the right nipple. She was not relieved. She was angry. She called him.

..but then held back. Wait a cotton-pickin' minute! She looked more closely.That was no nipple protruding from his chest!! She slowly reached out her hand to touch it.

There was a soft click and his head popped off. She backed away in surprise. The head responded, "Maintenance check initiated. Replace batteries." Some date.

At first she was irritated that her blind date lost his head, but then she realized the opportunity. His body wasn't half bad, but his halitosis! She put his head in the Whirlpool

freezer and called up Jeffrey Dahmer. "I got another one for you," she tantalized. "Yeah?" Jeffrey replied, "What's it going to cost me this time?" Her rates had been going up

since June, but Jeffrey Dahmer liked to keep his payments off the books so he paid her with dandelions and boxes of persimmons, old Elvis LPs and fried blackberry pies.

It wasn't too much South for her. She took it, used to the flavor, enjoyed it. Besides, it kept him off her back.