It all began one dark, dark, stormy night...

It all began one dark, dark, stormy night...

The literate beagle typed while balancing on top of his doghouse. He knew he was destined for greatness. He collected rejection slips like

a dog collects bones.He buried them too...the rejection slips, not his bones. His pen name was Alistair Ruff & he wanted a new leash on life, as a best-selling mystery writer. Dogs

are not, as a rule, mysterious. So Alistair Ruff had to research his novels by befriending a cat called La Divina. She was elusive & enigmatic. So Alistair chased her up a tree

when she had a leg of lamb in her mouth. Alistair Ruff wanted that roasted lamb so bad, so he started to flatter the cat.

The cat wisely refused and gave him money to buy the meat so coveted. He went to Jewel and the cashier didn't know it was a dog paying for the meat."Keep the change!", he said as

the plaid skirt the dog was wearing when he gave her a "I love you but I'm dying of a fatal STI that I got from your conjoined twin who I am seeing behind your back" look distracte

-d her long enough so that he could attempt an escape with her sister, to whom she unfortunately was still conjoined. He had to admit defeat and leave immediately for the clinic,

where a surgeon in his confidence would separate the Siamese siblings so that he could finally elope with the less evil of the pair. The procedure was a success, and by morning,

the world saw that the Siamese had not only be linked to each other, but also to the Earth itself. As the planet started to separate in half, people on each side cried in horror.