51

Dear Cosmo, I've got a friend, a really good

  • Dear Cosmo, I've got a friend, a really good friend and I've just discovered that my friend has got another friend. What should I do?
  • Dr Cosmo sat back, pretending to care about this statement I just made. Finally the good doctor broke silence and gave her verdict; Quit lying. You have no friends, she said.
  • It was a stunning observation; it was indisputably true. As a toaster oven, the notion of "friend' is impossible. The best one can hope for is "responsible owner". Dr Cosmo closed
  • his eyes, recalling the strange but exhilarating relationship he'd once had with a refrigerator. Oh, she was a cool one. Dr. Cosmo opened one eye and reconsidered the toaster oven.
  • If the door had not opened then David would have kept talking to fucking appliances all night long. His girlfriend Nicole interrupted the psychosis of 4 days without sleep brings
  • with a haldol injection. Slowly the appliances stopped copulating. "You've ruined my appliance breeding experiments!" wailed David, still slightly delusional. Nicole said, "Sexual
  • projection. The appliances aren't having sex. You're not taking your meds." "Don't listen to her" said David addressing the love seat, draped on her bulbous Up 5 chair.
  • "That's right, Angie, I'm not taking my meds and I can see clearly now. And get your dogman David off our furniture! Who are we but appliances having sex in a kitchen we cannot per
  • perceive clearly? No, I tell you. We are above the rough and tumble of this world and it's our duty to handle things efficiently." With those words ringing in her ears Angie
  • decided to flat out disregard everything and go to bed.

2 Comments

  1. lucielucie Mar 21 2015 @ 13:10

    "Who are we but appliances having sex in a kitchen we cannot perceive clearly?" Sometimes stuff on this site makes me think...

  2. Benwicky Mar 21 2015 @ 17:37

    and if we can combine thinking with smiling all the better.

Want to leave a comment?

Sign up!