I furrowed my brow to recall what I'd forgot.

I furrowed my brow to recall what I'd forgot. "Oh, right. Nonsense!" And with that, I engaged the phantasmagoric thingamajig, switched on the happenstance shvipten, and rocketed

which spanned what had formerly been the Atlantic. It was boring, and I now regretted having chosen cryogenic suspension. Super-c travel? No. Teleportation? Ha! 7 billion Starbucks

Mocha latte grandes strung together made my parachute inflate properly as I jumped out of the plane over what had formerly been Europe. Where was I? Nobody knew the streets at all.

I knew I was at the corner of "HeyCanIBuyUACoffee" and "DangGirlUrFine" but google maps couldn't connect to the database and I could only get 3G out here. These Europeans

and their continental provincialisms. When I finally found a fellow traveller he explained that the problem was not with Europe but with my expectations of reality. The issues were

having to do with my American propensity for having everything white and shiny to be sanitized. While Europeans didn't mind dull bathroom tiles or unscoured teeth, I found myself

color-blind. I could only see the far extremes of the spectrum, and my weak eyesight failed to register dithering. Still, this European bathroom wasn't going to get cleaned by Euro

peans. In fact the bathroom would never be cleaned again after it was mobbed by a busload of tourists who’d eaten Lamb Vindaloo the day before. It immediately became a fire hazard.

Dave Lister sighed as he looked down the Time Portal at the future he would create if he bought this woman a curry. Rimmer grinned smugly. "What did I tell you Listy?" ]