Frankîe tripped over a small customer with

Frankîe tripped over a small customer with his clubfoot & his tablet with whole pork crashed into a chandelier & fell on the cheese trolley. The maître d' called him a dumb waiter

and hoisted him into the air by rope and pulley. Dangling high above, Frankîe thought that the diners all looked like ants. And then he realised: they WERE all ants! No wonder he'd

wondered about how much wonder bread his Fat Uncle Andy mopped up instant gravy with. Frankie was food tripping because the ants were taking his picnic.

And then the dam broke. Here he was at 45 and where did years of healthy eating get him? A picnic alone. Frankie had to admit he had better relations with his gut microbiota than

any person. He wrote an ad out & stuck it on a tree. 'Man, 45, averse to all physical or emotional contact seeks macrobiotic woman for times. Please reply via this tree.' He checke

-d into the motel across the street from the tree so he could keep an eye on it for replies. Finally, after three years, an old hippie broad tore the faded paper down and threw it

in a pan with hot oil, lemongrass, minced garlic & coconut milk. The old hippie broad ate the paper & suddenly *understood*. She realized that she had to answer the message. She

took a quick swig of whiskey and set to work. First off she needed to summon her carrier pigeons. "COO COO COO" she belted. And in the distance you could hear them

Saw one of the naughty lost sheep in her living room. "Hello, William", she said. The sheep spoke Queen's English! "Hello, Sarah!", William replied. They had tea and crumpets.