From my usual table in th back corner of

From my usual table in th back corner of the Starbucks. I looked over my MacBook at the hipsters and breeder moms and resumed work on my manifesto, "Greed, God, and

Instant Gratification. These are the things I love." The three "G's" Gordon Gekko and Billy Graham would be proud. I say Again. Greed, God and Instant Gratification! I just need to

stop with all the alliteration. It all started with Dr. Seuss and now I can't stop. It really ruined my career as a Boot Camp Drill Instructor because

I would shout in the face of a recruit "Piggy Private! Please parade per pledge pronto!". I was fired on the spot. When dating, alliteration would creep into the conversation.

E.g., "Woman, why wait when we would wither without whiskey?" and "Let's lovemake lackadaisically, luscious leprous latina lady!" But I had no success with the fairer sex until

I met Miss Abelia B. Codu. When I said "Abelia, animalistic amorous action are an antidote against apathy." She replied, "Beastial Carnal Deliberations Excite Female Genitals".

Suddenly, my thesaurus spontaneously exploded and my vocabulary shrunk to a fifth of it's normal size. How would I talk to Abelia now, especially since her thesaurus is still

EXPLOSION. Combustion! Incendiary engulfment. Shrapnel bursting here and there, flames overtaking the building, and the entire symposium was really the word symposium ever. Too

much drama, I thought. I lifted my head form my notebook, wiped a way the drool, read what I had written above, and though wow, I need to stop drinking absinthe before I write!