"She sure is living the part today!" though

hispered to her, "today you will become my better half." The Great Mesmero sawed himself in two and sewed his legs to his wife's torso. "Our marriage is now an illusion," his wife

said sarcastically. The Great Mesmero let that insult go, enjoying the fact that with his torso & his stupid wife's legs now sewn on, he could now do some magic tricks with his ass

embled creation, and could easily control it. Mesmero the malformed magician could now bend his wife's legs like twigs, so he assumed there'd be no more drama.

This was apparently some weird magic. The audience liked it though, so he just kept going. He started his chainsaw and began cutting the chest that held his wife. All of a sudden

the chain caught a knot and bucked, sending the blade into his forehead. The cheering crescendoed as his two halves fell asunder. When a custodian discovered his suffocated wife

's dark little secret the custodian realized he could make some money. The custodian took this bad info about the man's uptight wife and wrote it on a roll of paper towel.

He texted her an anonymous message "I know what you do at night, meet me at the court yard 9:00p." JC's message blinked up at her as she was finishing grading her last "Scarlet Let

Her Hair Down" creative writing assignment. She loved meeting strangers at night to do what she does, so she was right on time. Jesus Christ walked out of the bushes. "Shall we?"

"It is not my time." But they sat on a bus-stop bench and let their hair down as traffic rushed by. Then he stood and admonished her: "Good grief, woman! What are you, a cat?!"