"Our soup of the day is sour neck in a hyperglycemic

"Our soup of the day is sour neck in a hyperglycemic broth. Any takers?" I grabbed my daughter and bolted. They should serve American food in Transylvania. Tourists deserve

Transylvania's Visitor Center had these dirt cheap deals on old castle tours and I could even stay the night in a real count's house for free. I jumped on those killer deals.

I was excited to see what was waiting for me in the haunted castle of Count Tentacles. The tour guide unlocked the gate with a rusted key, and I as I walked forward, he pushed me i

rrationally I though since I went in willingly. But I could see it was important to him. So I fell down and cried out feigning surprise as he locked the gate. "Count Tentacles will

greet you with outstretched arms. Get ready to be hugged." This was followed by the arrival of Count Tentacles himself. Did that man say 'hugged'? How about 'triturated'? Air! Air!

It was not politically correct to use these words but Count Tentacles did not give a rat's rump about political correctness. So he told social justice warriors to go to hell. They

took his advice, literally, and booked a flight to Toledo, Ohio, thinking that it must be the place closest to hell on Earth. When word got back to Count Tentacles that his

slave had run off on some fool's errand, his rage engulfed him and in his anger he

shut off his computer, enraged at the slowness of his internet connection. Ominous curses on you, Optimum Online!