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"Our soup of the day is sour neck in a hyperglycemic

  • "Our soup of the day is sour neck in a hyperglycemic broth. Any takers?" I grabbed my daughter and bolted. They should serve American food in Transylvania. Tourists deserve

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  • better food than this. Who in America has ever heard of that type of food. I decided to move on to my next stop in Transylvania.

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  • Transylvania's Visitor Center had these dirt cheap deals on old castle tours and I could even stay the night in a real count's house for free. I jumped on those killer deals.

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  • I was excited to see what was waiting for me in the haunted castle of Count Tentacles. The tour guide unlocked the gate with a rusted key, and I as I walked forward, he pushed me i

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  • rrationally I though since I went in willingly. But I could see it was important to him. So I fell down and cried out feigning surprise as he locked the gate. "Count Tentacles will

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  • greet you with outstretched arms. Get ready to be hugged." This was followed by the arrival of Count Tentacles himself. Did that man say 'hugged'? How about 'triturated'? Air! Air!

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  • It was not politically correct to use these words but Count Tentacles did not give a rat's rump about political correctness. So he told social justice warriors to go to hell. They

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  • took his advice, literally, and booked a flight to Toledo, Ohio, thinking that it must be the place closest to hell on Earth. When word got back to Count Tentacles that his

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  • slave had run off on some fool's errand, his rage engulfed him and in his anger he

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  • shut off his computer, enraged at the slowness of his internet connection. Ominous curses on you, Optimum Online!

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