Letter openers are just so boring. Especially

Letter openers are just so boring. Especially the one I got as a St. Patty's Day gift. My uncle was cool like that; giving gifts on random holidays. Sadly he missed the mark with

his Pope John XXIII bottle opener he gave us one Easter. We called it "The Popener", but this offended my uncle, a pious man. After that, his gifts became banal. My birthday

Gift was a grey-faced swatch with mauve armband dappled with abstract olive shapes faintly reminiscent of

of a folded pressed collection of boogers. He hated the Swatch, what he really wanted was

a juvenile partially armored threespine stickleback or the love of a good woman, whichever was easier to find at 3pm on a Thursday. He grabbed his seine net and headed down to

the Lavender herb patch to try for humming birds. Stickleback roe and humming bird tung's simmered in honey mead became a fishy smelling glop with hallucinatory properties sought

by the Republican National Committee as a way to lull poor people and other low income workers to ignore their fishy offerings and

way of pursing his lips and furrowing his brow when he's deep in thought. I hope we'll always be together here in

in the center of this small fishing town. The smell of fish, the taste of salt water, and all the minnows that we could ever possibly eat for the rest of our lives!