Once upon a time there was a koala. She needed

Once upon a time there was a koala. She needed help reaching for something that had nothing she could climb on. So she asked a tall giraffe to help her

However, the giraffe was a tad slow and was frightened at the prospect of talking to somebody other than himself. "Sorry," he said gesturing to the leaves in the tallest treetops,

and the leaves answered back, "You are in a special forest. All living things here can communicate in their own special ways." The giraffe was shocked the leaves talked. He

started to eat the leaves just to get some peace and quiet. "Nooooo" screamed the talking leaves. A few hours later the giraffe began to fart but it was in the sound of the leaves.

Giraffes, like all herbivores and vegetarians, personify their food during consumption. It's the thrill of utterly dominating a quasi-conscious being that spices up gross leaves or

the algaeladden rivermuck diet of the hippo. Why when I look out across this savanna I see a myriad of big game megalomaniacs. Herbivores are so narccistic thought Lugubrious Larry

scathingly. He raised his rifle to his shoulder and sighted one of the narcissistic herbivores in question, knowing without a doubt that they deserved only death. His finger on the

trigger, held his breath, and squeezed. The narcissistic herbivores exploded into clouds of blood and fur. He grinned. He turned around and saw a huge grizzly. "That was my toilet

you sonovabitch!" The grizzly's paw wiped across the gun-toting madman's face, breaking his neck and slashing his face like peeling grapes, just as the trigger went off again.