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"Star Command, this is Cadet Dykeson. Supplies

  • "Star Command, this is Cadet Dykeson. Supplies are depleted. Morale is low. Please respond." Unfortunately due to harsh interference from the ringed moons, dispatch heard:

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  • "R Come Hand .. Dyke.. Lies.. Deep.. slow.. Please..." The Space Captain had no idea what to make of this message, so he sent out a patrol. When the ship got to the moon

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  • the astronauts got into a fistfight because Duncan ate all the beef jerky in the third orbit. He was so thirsty, Rutger wouldn't share his orange juice. He tore a hole in Duncan's

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  • Capri Sun pouch. "Thanks for opening that for me!" Duncan said to Rutger. The astronauts reconciled their differences and gave each other a hug. Hugs in space feel extra fuzzy.

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  • While Duncan sucked his pouch a bolt from the Soyuz capsule moving at 10 km/sec relative to their orbiter penetrated the hull and Duncan's skull. Rutger was glad they had made up

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  • that last bit of technobabble, because it went over his head and he was supposedly the star of the show. Hell, he wasn't entirely sure if they were in a spaceship or a submarine.

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  • But really, what is a submarine but a spaceship that's in water? I realized how witty this was and pulled out my android. "My 12 followers are sophisticated enough to appreciate

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  • it when i make youtube videos of myself making youtube videos of myself!" I checked to see how many people had viewed my latest video. 14 views! Wow, the most so far! I tweeted

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  • that I had just tweeted. "Tweeting is fun! Visit my blogging blog!" On my blog I uploaded another youtube video of me tweeting about my blog. I made banner ads promoting my website

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  • "Want to get rich off of pointless internet memes and overused jokes? Come on over to 'awesomesite.com' and promote yourself off of others ideas today!"

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