30

"You're an "E" away from 'H-O-R-S-E'," Jim

  • "You're an "E" away from 'H-O-R-S-E'," Jim said. "Now you have to do a Vince Carter windmill slam with a split landing. If you fail, that sponge cake is mine." A split? Ever since

    4
  • gym class he'd hated the splits. Ted had been bullied by a flexible bi-curious woman with really big deltoids. She taunted Ted while doing the splits, calling him a

    4
  • panty-waisted nincompoop, a nimrod's nimrod, and worse. But now, 10 years later, Ted had the biggest deltoids money could buy, and he was outside the flexible bi-curious woman's

    4
  • rifle range, so he decided to prance around shirtless outside of the beauty salon. All activity in the boutique came to a screeching halt. The women screeched, terrified by Ted's

    4
  • Gorilla-like body. Ted worked out daily for at least two hours at the gym. Madame Dujardin, the owner, was resigned to Ted being proud of his abs.

    2
  • Ted would pick up his post in the morning & flex his biceps as he opened his post box then 'nonchalantly' ruffle the junkmail along his washboard chest. Mme Dujardin would role her

    2
  • (or roll her) dice to divine whether today would be a good day to tell Ted that he was a vain pig. Today the dice indicated that it was fortuitous, so Mme Dujardin got on her high

    2
  • horse, Ted, & calmly talk him down; constantly murmuring reassurances that he was a unicorn, a fine strong unicorn, flying across rainbows. When I was sure he was calm, I told him

    1
  • the hard truth--its father was a rhino. The unicorn went ballistic, impaling everything in sight and got itself stuck in the trunk of a Jabuticaba tree. After freeing itself

    3
  • the unicorn found a cotton tail bunny and kicked the crap out of it. It did little to slake his anger, he kept picturing his frat bros finding out that his daddy was a feckin rhino

    4

0 Comments

Want to leave a comment?

Sign up!