I have to do something about this flatulence

I have to do something about this flatulence - once cup of chili a week ago and I am still deadly. If this keeps up I'm never going to get a date. Hmmm, I wonder if Beano will

mind if I borrow his carbon-infused trousers tonight? If I couldn't stop farting, at least I could control the erupting smells. I needed a woman TO-NIGHT! Beano said yes, so I

called grandmother and asked to borrow her wheels. She was making her famed jello shots and boozy bread...tricks she picked up in the state pen years prior. Still, she was happy to

make these adult treats. Her favorite was her "innocent" jello. When they would come back drunk for more, it would make her snicker.

"Innocent" jello was a throw back to mama's "skip & go naked punch" from the 70s. The "innocent" jello was in the fridge, pills were displayed in candy jars, everything is ready!

her favorite actor was Huge Ackman. I said "I don't think that's how it's pronounced darling". She fled in tears and I started to scramble some eggs. The rest of the guests were st

arting to get peckish, so she whipped up some toast and bacon, too. Tears dripped down her cheeks & into the scrambled eggs. She took a deep breath and tried to get over the embar

rassing thing that happened at Ted's bachelor party. She wasn't supposed to be there of course but sick twist of fate plopped right into the middle of the depraved scene. What she

really should have brought was a twist of lemon. Something to spruce up the water a tad at the next bimonthly meeting of the teetotalers' club. Ted was in deeeeeeep trouble.