Frustrated by the absence of an award for

Frustrated by the absence of an award for the Greatest Award, I created just such an award and then awarded it to myself for having created and awarded it. The Greatest Award Award

is really the absence of awards in reality. For each time the greatest award award is awarded, it creates the possibility of an even greater award than that, it regresses infinitel

y until the Award of All Awards is an award for nothing. Whomever can produce the most nothingness shall win the award and also receive a scholarship of (you guessed it) ZERO.

Wow, a free ride to Nowhere. Just what Kevin had always wanted. He was the biggest Zero ever, so he'd have no trouble doing as little as possible to win this pointless competition.

Kevin trained hard for the competition. "Razor's edge" didn't come close to describing the fine line between vigilance and exertion when sustaining complete inactivity. He nearly

succumbed to the temptation to flick a fly away that landed on his nose. Encouraged by his iron willed inaction it skittered across his lip & paused below his nostril. Kevin

quickly breathed in, sucking the fly up his nose, and then shooting it back out in a pile of snot. The insect had no idea what had hit him. A smug grin begins to grow on Kevin's

Bearded face and the hapless insect was eaten by the cat, Zeus, who said, "Yummy!" Mr. Fly knew better after seeing his son's fate, so Kevin and Zeus developed resistance to flies.

Meanwhile, the flies had organized and had managed to toss a stink bomb into Kevin's window. As the putrid smoke filled the house, Kevin blamed Zeus the cat for his poor diet.