The peach fingered man was a kleptomaniac.

The peach fingered man was a kleptomaniac. Soft, fragrant and plump, he could pick a fly's pocket without the fly knowing. The only problem was

every peach needs its cream, and his moisturizing cream had been stolen. "What goes around comes around," said Mr. Klepto. He stole that line, just like he stole my heart. His hand

was shaped like a peach, after he'd had a mishap with Eli' s cotton gin. Mr. Klepto stole stuff with his other hand while nosy insensitive people were distracted by his peach hand.

Mr. Klepto made quite a haul of stolen goods until he tried to pilfer peaches at the bazaar in Bagdad. This proved a fatal mistake since his mishapen hand was mistaken for a peach

and taken by an aging lady buying some groceries. Mr. Klepto cried in pain holding his wrist, but the old lady was partly deaf and headed home to cook her infamous peach soup

that was more worms than peach, since the old lady was partly blind, too, & not very good at checking her fruits. Still, rattlesnake soup connoisseurs thought she cooked o.k., and

The rattlesnake soup was like turtle soup, once served at Binyon's. Mr. Snappingturtle was safely protected from being used in any future soup batches. His family was grateful! The

-on. "Not only are you ugly," the Devil jeered, "but your beak can crack bones!" "Oh snap!" replied the snapping turtle, his eyes rolling and murderous thoughts in his scaly head.

"If you think I'm ugly," he responded, "You must not own a mirror."