After their relativistic journey back to

After their relativistic journey back to an earthlike planet in the year 5239 A.D. Cdr.. Landly, and Mj. Stroganoff discover that an intelligent species of Pachyderm rule

s the the galaxy. Then they plan on blowing up DC for no good reason other that they can. The bomb dropped. but, it suddenly shrunk into a small grenade and blew up a hot dog stand

and then my wonder twin said "Form of Ice Crowbar!" Gleek the space monkey screamed to be let out of his cage, so I

used Jace on the cage. Unfortunately, an ice crowbar has a low load level and my twin shattered. Gleek discovered he could just slide through the bars. "Does anyone have a mop?"

I opened my laptop and logged on to the world surveillance network. I queried the number of households on earth with one or more mops. Result: 10340299. "Yes," I calmly told Gleek.

"You were right, I was wrong. Mops are clearly superior to Swiffers," I gave in. Gleek gloated with pleasure for about five minutes before I punched him in the stomach

Yes, and another thing that had me at a loss for words was seeing polar bears doing Pepsi commercials. I asked Santa for his thoughts. "They're corporate ho ho hoes," he said.

"Just like the reindeer who took over my operation, saying I was too old. Even the wife and the elves said I deserved to retire. My own Christmas present." Santa sighed. I was

overcome with pity for this fat man. "Look", I proposed, "You're too old for this, man. All the houses in a day?" And like that, I pushed him off the cliff. I am the new Santa.