The house stood vacant and starving for ages,

The house stood vacant and starving for ages, until one day the Paranormal Hoaxes TV crew came to investigate. Finally! As they clumped about, digestive fluids gurgled in the pipes

with the meat from the "Sober" music video. The cameramen had no idea that the house was alive. Manny poked the chandelier, which was the house's uvula. He got ejected through the

front door with a sofa, a boom mike & the sound crew. The living room rug turned out to be the tongue and curled around the remaining crew pulling them towards the basement stairs

It was a Gigantic Sitcom Snapping Turtle! Damn, they're all over the South. They open their jaws and it looks like a television set, even a craft services table, then when all

you are settled in your recliner waiting for 'The Simpsons.' It pretends to lose vertical. You reach over with your finger then, "SNAP!!" clean off. The turtle's camoflage is

it's greatest weapon. Well, that, and it's razor sharp man-eating jaws of doom. Okay, I think that's enough stories for tonight. Night night sweetheart." The door closed. I looked

Suddenly something skittered across the dark room. Without thinking I grabbed my AK47 and shot in the direction where I heard the sound. All went silent. My heavy breathing once ag

ain under control, I used my cellphone to light my way, taking a few careful steps toward whatever it was I shot. Nothing. Not a sound. no blood. Then I felt a claw-like grip on my

gluteus maximus. Dread penetrated my very being as I turned around. Behind me was a vast cephalopod. It'd eaten the rest of the city, and I was its next victim.