Dracula took the night shift at the furniture

  • Dracula took the night shift at the furniture store. He needed a little money so that he could get HBO.

  • Dracula loved making fun of old monster movie reruns. Instead of patrolling the store he'd watch shows like Scared Stiff and Hillbillies in a Hauted House in the TV retail area

  • of a video store that had closed ten years ago. Sometimes Dracula would look around to clock the tasty blood monkeys he used to sup upon, but there were none. Sadly, Dracula just

  • gave up on un-life and switched to booze. He preferred quiet, smoky dive bars with sleepy bartenders to whom he could babble about sucking blood and other boring topics. Dracula

  • became a regular in The Rat & Parrot & they let him put his coffin in the cellars. Once, during a beer delivery, a shaft of sunlight burnt his left ear off. Dracula wasn't bitter

  • because he'd listened to Tony Robbins seminar on letting go. Still, it was time for Dracula to do an honest inventory of whether staying at The Rat & Parrot pub was healthy choice.

  • The vampire count thirsted for blood, red and gory… but there was a ratty parrot on his shoulder shouting demands for a cracker. If only the bird wouldn't be all beak & feathers!

  • Polly was learning some fifty words a week. It happened she told a policeman the vampire count was drunk when they stopped Count X for drunk driving. She never defended him again.

  • Then again, Count Chocula failed to defend Count X's sobriety too. Count X's days were numbered. He'd driven after a few bloody Mary's and Susan's quite a few times already so

  • he knew to expect no mercy or quarter from that, er, quarter. He drifted around for a while during the late 90s following Concrete Blondes whether they were touring or not.



  1. Gibber Sep 12 2016 @ 17:19

    Oops, that should be un-death.

  2. BlastedHeath Sep 15 2016 @ 20:13

    I think "un-life" works really well in that context. The rest of your fold and this whole story are really evocative somehow. Such homespun beauties we make of such common and ordinary materials.

Want to leave a comment?

Sign up!