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Before school, I pridefully set up my Mars

  • Before school, I pridefully set up my Mars and Pirate Lego sets on my desk. When I returned, smoke was rising from the Mars Rover, and the Black Pearl had capsized. "Who did this?"
  • I scanned the room. Hmmm, I was *sure* my Buzz Lightyear toy was on the top shelf when I left. Now he was sitting down on the second shelf. And his laser arm looked a little singed
  • I've always believed my toys had a secret life when I wasn't in the room but now this confirmed it. Raggedy Ann's yarn hair was a bit singed too, and Buzz Lightyear's slight smirk
  • signaled a conspiracy far beyond my understanding. I set up motion detectors in the room. Sure enough, I saw that the Tickle-Me-Elmo Mob was against the Action Figure Elite.
  • At first I blamed these visions on the 146 times I watched Small Soldiers, but then Action Man and Ken climbed my bed one night and threatened to unleash Stretch Armstrong, if Elmo
  • wouldn't stop sexually harassing the other toys. Elmo claimed they were friendship hugs, but Optimus Prime, GI Joe and others reported that the hugs lingered too long for
  • that and besides he clearly had a tickle fetish.The court psychiatrist listened patiently. Can you show us where Elmo touched you on this Barney doll? Optimus Prime hesitated
  • which let the prosecution (sexual harrassment victims are the ones on trial these days) to sink their teeth in. Optimus couldn't feel anything, they argued. Elmo's tickling crime
  • was no laughing matter, the prosecution agreed, but sexual harrassment? Pu-leeze. Not when Optimus invited Elmo's advances by poking him repeatedly with a green banana.The attorney
  • joined in poking Optimus with a mango. The black market sex tape made them all millions. It is called "Fruity Toys go Wild!" if you are looking to download it.

5 Comments

  1. sundancer Jan 07 2013 @ 20:48

    Ahahaha!!! One of your best, guys!

  2. sundancer Jan 07 2013 @ 20:51

    *Googles "Fruity Toys go Wild"*

  3. inatick Jan 07 2013 @ 21:30

    Disclaimer: Fruity Toys go Wild! is NSFW

  4. Zetawilk Jan 08 2013 @ 00:46

    Oh, good. I wouldn't want to accidentally read it while I'm /playing on the internet/ at the /place where I'm paid to do my job, not play/.

  5. SlimWhitman Jan 08 2013 @ 05:44

    Rentertainment Weekly: "Pixar ventures into taboo adult themes with "Toy Story 4:Fruity Toys go Wild." Animus Movie Review: "Optimus Prime considered Oscar contender for riveting performance."

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