I knew I shouldn't have opened the front

I knew I shouldn't have opened the front door when I did. Life is full of unexpected events, but this really took the cake.

It was Ed McMahon's nephew (Ed is dead) with a giant check for the Publisher's Clearinghosue Sweepstakes. My wife had won 10 million. I was going to divorce her but now

I had to rethink my plans. She didn't take it as a lump sum, so my best bet was to murder her and live out the rest of my life disguised as her so I could get all those checks.

Unfortunately, that meant I had to get a sex change and breast and butt implants, nipple rings, and a hairy mole inside my left thigh -her being a swimsuit model. Who do I kill for

an apple martini or a cosmo around here?" Good lord, you'd think being me is easy, but it's not. Not at all. My new implants were itching and all the guys at the pool were staring

AVACADO SANDWICH AROUND HERE?" Apparently, that was the wrong question to ask because everyone in the restaurant just erupted in laughter. I threw down my napkin and

danced like a madman all the way out of the building. people look at me like I was insane, but they were right I hadn't slept in

a skip for almost a month. I couldn't wait. My heart was racing. I danced and skipped through the streets, barefooted, looking for the perfect skip. People stared, but I didn't car

e. I skipped like no one was watching. I knew I'd discovered it when I looked behind me and saw everyone in town skipping behind me. Oh joy! Oh summertime!