"I'm so 'the life of the party' that my own

"I'm so 'the life of the party' that my own cats think I'm inanimate." I started this dating profile as a joke; now it was just sad. I needed someone with a compatible joke profile

or at least someone who liked cats. I tried finding the dating site that would totally get me, you know? So I found "PuuuurfectMate.com" huh, sounds like me! That is until I click

on the "pet me" button on the site ... only to realize it was a Furry Fan site. OMG! I never realized how sexually exciting mascots could be. Forget my cats, my new interest was

Furry Mascots! I just want to snuggle up against them all night. I'll be the big spoon or little spoon, but ideally there are 2 so I can be both. I went to a mascot convention to

blend in with the nut jobs, fruit loops, oddballs, kooks, freaks and weirdos. No normals allowed! I was chatting up a giant squirrel when the San Diego Chicken walked by. I grabbed

re mi fa so la di'ing into a digeridoo and selling mp3s on Amazon! What a racket! 16 months later, I bought an artificial island outside of Dubai and entertained the most prominent

pubic hair that made my pants look like a bag of microwave popcorn. You see, this commercialism has me in its grips and I kneel before the altar of the sale, and this is what makes

me such an important demographic, the "shallow servile consumer with dredpants syndrome".I had actually only one pair of Dredpants™ but I stood in line hoping my nether dredplaits

Had no holes, which was fashionable again. The bullock-cart driver wore some with holes, I noticed, and he was taking drunken baseball fans home. There were thousands of them.