Mrs. Owens had an amazing pair of knockers.

Mrs. Owens had an amazing pair of knockers. They were enormous heavy things festooned with ornate decorations & hung heavily from front and back doors of her mansion. I lifted the

incredible knockers just to hear that sound. The door opened. Mrs. Owens was in the doorway. She'd had lots of plastic surgery all around her

tits but nothing actually done to them. This created a peculiar "cratering" or "sagging mountain top" effect that was all the rage. Mrs. Owens beamed with pride.

But I came back the next day and to my surprise they were as perky as Mt. Everest. Who knew...

Mt. Everest could be perky. I found this delightful fact out on my recent trip to climb the mountain. I had been training for months, and on the final stretch toward the summit,

I was almost to the summit of Mt. Everest when my foot slipped.

"Avalanche!" I yelled in a moment of self-fulfilling prophecy panic (as if yelling, "Fire!" in a crowded theatre in itself burned the place down). The Everest snow enveloped me and

enly, on the peaks top, I saw my dear mum in a bright light holding a freshly baked pie. "Is that you?" "No dear, you are just suffering from lack of oxygen. Where's your mittens?"

Mittens? I looked down at my front limbs and gasped in surprise. Thumbs? When did I get those!? Where are my hooves!? I snapped to reality on the mountainpeak and walked back down.