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There is a 1% chance that I'll make it through

  • There is a 1% chance that I'll make it through the next 5 minutes without eating that entire chocolate bar in my desk. Did I say 1%? I meant none %. No! I will not eat it! I will
  • inhale it! Duh-oh. Da chocolate bar is s-tuck in my nose.Somebuddy hep me?? Somebuddy? Anybuddy?
  • Here. Blow. (HONK!) There now, do you feel better? You really should not try to snort chocolate bars, you know. Normal people eat them. But you aren't normal, are you?
  • How do I know you're not normal?Your appts.are in a date book, not your phone. You send Christmas cards, not holiday texts. You bus your own table at Taco Bell. You don't tailgate.
  • Then again, maybe you're just outdated? Not everyone is cut out to be tech savvy I guess. But you should really try tailgating & update your appointment book to a phone app! I mean
  • really, nobody likes people like you who don’t generate ad income for anybody. You don’t Gram, tweet, Tumblr, or Grinder. You use a text only browser which doesn’t support flash.
  • You use PINE for your emails. Yeah, you like expunging your inbox, don't you? Why, I gots a good mind to sudo rm -rf your obsolete ass right out of the kernel, if you get my drift.
  • But by this time my mind had drifted off on the pine-scented breeze, and I didn't hear his threats. I thought I was atop one of the Himalayas. But then his dreadful fist punched
  • me squarely on the side of my head, at the temple, and the evil life-forces from the Necronomicon Ex-Mortis, which lay mutely for 4 decades inside my mind, woke … stalking souls
  • circled the bridesmaid's dress offered at a 50% discount at Macy's fire sale. The onsite rent-a-cops knew there would be bloodshed- t'was kismet. A whistle blew. The carnage began.
Started
2013-12-02 17:32:47
Finished
2019-05-03 02:02:26

5 Comments

  1. Avatar

    KieferSkunk May 03 2019 @ 02:13

    Kudos to anyone who gets what I was channeling. ;)
  2. Avatar

    PurpleProf May 03 2019 @ 16:06

    So many of our stories start all innocent and end in death and destruction.
  3. Avatar

    LordVacuity May 03 2019 @ 18:30

    I know not to run it.
  4. Avatar

    SlimWhitman May 04 2019 @ 17:03

    KieferSkunk: You're a Lynux, not a Polecat?
  5. Avatar

    Woab May 08 2019 @ 12:36

    Marvelous ending, IceSquad. This is a fascinating FS.

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