The sound of kids laughing and playing in

The sound of kids laughing and playing in the park pisses me off with envy. The only reminders I have of my childhood are stretch marks, herpes and chronic

halitosis 'cause my so-called parents didn't teach me nothin' bout no safe sex or brushin' my teeth. I was fat too. I was the kid everybody made fun of. But I showed them...when I

drew a picture of my complete loserness, I showed them. But this picture changed my life. People loved this picture. They stood next to it and felt better. I decided to make prints

to sell, trading my self worth for cash. The picture became viral on the internet and soon thousands of orders were coming in. I became rich but was known as a loser worldwide.

I kept getting richer and richer and feeling more and more like the loser the world thought I was. I started to hate being rich & being a loser. I started to believe that to be a w

which I refer to as a "double v" because if it was a "double u" it would be round. Then I realized that with money comes the abilities to make a difference and turn orange. I lob-

I didn’t think I’d like lobster heaven, but it’s OK. Daily I boil up a huge pot of water and drop a human with duct-taped hands into it. Ahh, the screams! Still, I can’t help think

Lp but have a taste when I stir. These ones had been hand-picked from the nearby McDonald's. The lobsters eyes lit up with the reverence of a crustacean on the right side of karma.

The lobster claws clacked, clicking in the night. Antennae twirled patterns in the moonlight. The ocean ebbed and flowed, a pinprick reflection in the void of its gaze... clickety.