Light of the setting sun lit the room uncovering

Light of the setting sun lit the room uncovering old bookshelves, dried out plants and a bed that have not been used for quite a while. "Oh, God... What happened?"

She wiped the shards of bacon off a stool and sat. Looking at the pig-laden bartender, she ordered a shot of whiskey and asked, "What would you give to have Bacon Lord off your

chest? It would like great as part of my meat dress. The bartender at Porky's Porker where used to celeb's trying to trad favors for their Porkalage and so lady Gaga's request

was ignored by God. So she went with plan B. She had her friend Winston conjure up Satan. He did not ignore her request, but granted it with a host of evil conditions like

she had to agree to accept emails from "cooperating vendors" and spend more than $35 at cheap restaurants. In addition, Satan ("Call me Stan.") required that she loan her soul to

real estate speculators for time shares in the Florida Keys. Since she used her soul rarely, she shook hands. Unfortunately Scratch was brought up on Ponzi scheme charges. Her soul

belonged to someone else in part, a bit more to somebody even higher, and so on. Her soul was part of the pyramid scheme, and she wouldn't get a return on it unless she recruited

at least eight high-profile political figures to Miss Helena's infamous online dating website. The clock was ticking, and the impending

biological evidence lurked a mere 9 months away. Indeed, the nascent urge to click each profile, pore over every lurid detail, & beg each to marry her burgeoned large, insistently.