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Light of the setting sun lit the room uncovering

  • Light of the setting sun lit the room uncovering old bookshelves, dried out plants and a bed that have not been used for quite a while. "Oh, God... What happened?"

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  • But then, at that moment, he understood everything about what happened in the room. Bacon Lord happened.

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  • She wiped the shards of bacon off a stool and sat. Looking at the pig-laden bartender, she ordered a shot of whiskey and asked, "What would you give to have Bacon Lord off your

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  • chest? It would like great as part of my meat dress. The bartender at Porky's Porker where used to celeb's trying to trad favors for their Porkalage and so lady Gaga's request

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  • was ignored by God. So she went with plan B. She had her friend Winston conjure up Satan. He did not ignore her request, but granted it with a host of evil conditions like

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  • she had to agree to accept emails from "cooperating vendors" and spend more than $35 at cheap restaurants. In addition, Satan ("Call me Stan.") required that she loan her soul to

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  • real estate speculators for time shares in the Florida Keys. Since she used her soul rarely, she shook hands. Unfortunately Scratch was brought up on Ponzi scheme charges. Her soul

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  • belonged to someone else in part, a bit more to somebody even higher, and so on. Her soul was part of the pyramid scheme, and she wouldn't get a return on it unless she recruited

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  • at least eight high-profile political figures to Miss Helena's infamous online dating website. The clock was ticking, and the impending

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  • biological evidence lurked a mere 9 months away. Indeed, the nascent urge to click each profile, pore over every lurid detail, & beg each to marry her burgeoned large, insistently.

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