Fanning the flames, Doktor Evil-Schtein called

Fanning the flames, Doktor Evil-Schtein called out to his minions, "More heat! Vee must bving zee object to a temperature of One vousand point-two degvees!" Smiling to themselves,

the charcoal men dove into the hungry flames. Anything for the Doktor. "Now to the final step for zis process!" he cried! "We must

get to ze Tardis! Has anyone zeen mein sonic screwdriver!" The benvolent, now on fire, charcoal men lit the way through the musty passages. "Exterminate!" echoed around the corner

"Zees will be mein langzeit goot friend Herr Davros and his funny playtoys" said the Einsteinisch 14th incarnation of the Doctor. The charcoal men formed a chorusline "The Briquets

of Landoon were a distant descendant of the Cybermen. More like lycramen to the casual eye but had the most vicious

phone manner this side of the Mississippi. People would call to check the time and he would lambast them with villainous insults that would break Don Rickles'

concentration. He would get so frustrated after all of this that he had no choice left but to do incredible amounts of blow. Unfortunately, Mississippi cocaine is notoriously

pink, which for a man's man like himself was just too embarrassing to tell anyone about. So he told anyone who asked, that his main addiction was cultivating immature basil plants

and making homemade jam. The manliest man in town was a closet mama's boy. He called her every day just to talk. His mother held him under her thumb by threatening to disconnect

his gym membership from her VISA account. But man's man Steve McManaman got out from under her thumb. Now she's just somebody that he used to know.