So one time I saw this chick walk down the

So one time I saw this chick walk down the street. She was Mexican, or maybe some type of Italian, but damn she had a booty!

Me and my homies yelled, "Hey mamacita, come on over, we got somethin' for ya!" We expected she'd just walk on by, or more likely flip us the bird. Instead, she crossed the street

rushing to us carelessly, without realizing that a car was going just right in her direction

,blood splashed in my eye, her blood. My god her blood tasted so good. In silence I realized, I AM A VAMPIRE, I should have noticed because of the sparkles on my face during day

light saving hour picked up the sprakles. But I was a "crystal-lite" vampire and Dracula showed up that evening called me a "hack" and chopped off my head and stuffed it

in the perfume sample of a Sports Illustrated catalog. It took some doing. Then Grampa came downstairs and started dustbuster-ing up my glitter. Too bad I was a dead vamp head now.

So I packed my coffin in a big duffel & hitched my way to California. My last ride was a surfer in an old pickup. "Throw your board in the back & hop in man". Undead surf at sunset

was to die for. "Whoa, that's some board," surfer dude observed, checking out my coffin. When we finally reached the beach, the surf was up & the moon was full. The other undead

were already out there.Totally boner style, which was to be expected. I paddled out with my coffin board. The waves were hyper fierce gnar gnar! No fear for the undead. I caught a