20

She said I was a nogoodcheatingsonofabitch

  • She said I was a nogoodcheatingsonofabitch bastard & I could go straighttohell.I laughed & said I thought she would have been more original than that. She hit me with a frying pan.
  • It bounced off my kevlar head and off my rubber feet. I was impenatrable. She threw her hands up to claw my burning eyes. My steel jaw neatly snapped off her fingers. She hurled
  • insults like a bankrupt comedian. Ah, that girl, gotta love her. I'd smile at her but my steel jaw prevents it. No facial emotions. Nothing. I could only open my mouth slit and
  • eject worthless plastic tokens, once good for a free wash at a now failed laundromat. Never date a witch in the Thelemic tradition; their spells are especially vicious. Alas, my
  • Date took me to the plastoterrium, where the flesh eating tigers laid in wait. The master had a trasidic snake at the door and greeted everyone in Gibberish. A translator was at
  • tacked for being extremely accurate. The other translators didn't like that. That was the tiger's first meal in a month. The master only saw what he wanted to see & he still needed
  • another $4.73 if he was to supersize that meal. So the master went hungry, and the tiger lost interest in eating him, since he was so skinny. When the master finally starved to
  • certain death, the emaciated Tiger asked, “Why didn’t you pay the extra $4.73 and eat?” The master pulled a gun and shot him, declaring, “I have my money and I am no longer hungry.
  • I'm going to put a Tiger in my tank. Hope I'm not allergic". The master turned around and started up the barbecue.
  • When the grilling was done, he feasted on his sausage and saluted as the tiger turned his tank resolutely toward the enemy line. Never had there been a braver cat in the world.

3 Comments

  1. LordVacuity Apr 26 2020 @ 02:17

    And that cat’s name was Hobbes.

  2. Jimbeau Apr 26 2020 @ 02:29

    Hysterical. I'm freaking hysterical.

  3. PaperQueen Apr 26 2020 @ 11:07

    Hehe, I was thinking of Hobbes too when I first encountered this story.

Want to leave a comment?

Sign up!