She said I was a nogoodcheatingsonofabitch
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She said I was a nogoodcheatingsonofabitch bastard & I could go straighttohell.I laughed & said I thought she would have been more original than that. She hit me with a frying pan.
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It bounced off my kevlar head and off my rubber feet. I was impenatrable. She threw her hands up to claw my burning eyes. My steel jaw neatly snapped off her fingers. She hurled
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insults like a bankrupt comedian. Ah, that girl, gotta love her. I'd smile at her but my steel jaw prevents it. No facial emotions. Nothing. I could only open my mouth slit and
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eject worthless plastic tokens, once good for a free wash at a now failed laundromat. Never date a witch in the Thelemic tradition; their spells are especially vicious. Alas, my
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Date took me to the plastoterrium, where the flesh eating tigers laid in wait. The master had a trasidic snake at the door and greeted everyone in Gibberish. A translator was at
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tacked for being extremely accurate. The other translators didn't like that. That was the tiger's first meal in a month. The master only saw what he wanted to see & he still needed
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another $4.73 if he was to supersize that meal. So the master went hungry, and the tiger lost interest in eating him, since he was so skinny. When the master finally starved to
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certain death, the emaciated Tiger asked, “Why didn’t you pay the extra $4.73 and eat?” The master pulled a gun and shot him, declaring, “I have my money and I am no longer hungry.
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I'm going to put a Tiger in my tank. Hope I'm not allergic". The master turned around and started up the barbecue.
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When the grilling was done, he feasted on his sausage and saluted as the tiger turned his tank resolutely toward the enemy line. Never had there been a braver cat in the world.
2
- Started
- 2013-10-24 09:42:55
- Finished
- 2020-04-25 22:41:32
3 Comments
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LordVacuity Apr 26 2020 @ 02:17
And that cat’s name was Hobbes.
Jimbeau Apr 26 2020 @ 02:29
Hysterical. I'm freaking hysterical.
PaperQueen Apr 26 2020 @ 11:07
Hehe, I was thinking of Hobbes too when I first encountered this story.