That's when the guy in the seat next to me

That's when the guy in the seat next to me let out a big, smelly fart! I was horrified, I was mortified I was

seconds or so. I prided myself on my ability to make quick decisions. So I headed toward the love of my life and

and a beer. Why choose when I can have both. Thank god I was marrying an alcoholic. She wouldn't look down her nose at me when I demolished a case of Bud all by myself. Now

all I had to worry about was whose turn it was to be sober enough to drive the forty miles into town past three police stations and a fire department. Ah but her smile drove me

to madness. Ever since the run-in with the traveling dentifrice salesmen, I had been curiously attracted to whitened smiles. So much so that when I had bartered my timeshare in

Nepal, I traded it for a lifelong supply of Crest Whitestrips. The directions stated "use daily," but I was using them hourly. My addiction became so bad that my family

had been planning an intervention, but so far I had successfully avoided their efforts. Folding another strip over my teeth, I watched from the window as my brother battled

The Ray sof blinding light emanating from my mouth. White strips, white strips, must have more white strips. Must. Get. Teeth. Whiter.

Then after I ingested all of the whitening strips I was as sick as horse. I tried to get the minty flavor out, but it was hopeless I am dying a slow painful whitening induced death