I was asleep in the middle of the night when

I was asleep in the middle of the night when I heard a loud crash. I jumped out of bed and opened my door and saw

the UPS man saying that i needed to sign for a package.

But I was too busy checking out his. Thank god the UPS HR department hires straight out of the CW acting pool, this delivery guy was H-O-T hot. We took to ordering things just to

have him come in so we could practice the bend and snap. The chiropractor down the street had to add an extra bed for all of us women from the office.

like everything we did involved food. The bottom line is that food is better than sex -- food IS sex. Every nibble and swallow and moist taste leads to insatiable desires and angst

, an existential crisis in every bite. It's like masturbating with Anthony Bourdain. You can't know, but you do. And the food is

actually not bad, considering how distracted most of the cooks are. I had the steak tartar last night and if you could ignore the

overly strong urine odor in the place, maybe dessert was in the offing as well. Even so, she barely touched anything on her plate and I wondered if this review was ever going to be

favorable. When the review came out, I found out why. You keep food warm by simming it in a bain marie, not Marie's bain.