I looked in the mirror and I couldn't see

I looked in the mirror and I couldn't see myself.Actually,what I could see was this shadow wich was shaped like me but was kind of smokey and blurry,so I ran

up the phone bill calling my favorite 1-900-tele-psychic to figure out what this meant. She told me that

a tall dark man can be found in my cards. And that I need not worry, that my dead rat, Dorothy would always be watching over me. I immediately felt better. I have felt so alone

since Dorothy was swallowed by that narwhal off the eastern coast of Sweden. I paid the psychic and headed back outside, immediately bumping into a tanned basketball player who

Sometimes I feel like a nut, sometimes I don't. or sometimes I like to snort a lot of coke, bottle-chug a 5th of Popov, and then bite into a York Peppermint Patty while

yodeling "Ricollllllaaaa!" and then take a Nestea plunge. I was into the new sport of Xtreme product placement. I would snap into a Slim Jim,

feel the smooth meaty bite, and wash it down with something cold and refreshing, just like I always had. But it didn't feel right this time; not since the day when I had

choked on the gangrous flesh of my son, Peter. We had been stuck in the snowy Alps. No food. Weeks went by. We were so hungry. We drew straws and I lost. But knocked my son out

gnawed his putrid flesh, took his woven grass cloak, leather vest & fought the driving snow but perished. My mumified remains mystified scientists 6000 yrs later. My name is Oetzi.