I looked in the mirror and I couldn't see

I looked in the mirror and I couldn't see myself.Actually,what I could see was this shadow wich was shaped like me but was kind of smokey and blurry,so I ran

up the phone bill calling my favorite 1-900-tele-psychic to figure out what this meant. She told me that

a tall dark man can be found in my cards. And that I need not worry, that my dead rat, Dorothy would always be watching over me. I immediately felt better. I have felt so alone

since Dorothy was swallowed by that narwhal off the eastern coast of Sweden. I paid the psychic and headed back outside, immediately bumping into a tanned basketball player who

Said excuse me but do you know where the nearest court is. I replied yes, but gave him the wrong directions hoping to ruin his day. Sometimes I just feel so mean.

Sometimes I feel like a nut, sometimes I don't. or sometimes I like to snort a lot of coke, bottle-chug a 5th of Popov, and then bite into a York Peppermint Patty while

yodeling "Ricollllllaaaa!" and then take a Nestea plunge. I was into the new sport of Xtreme product placement. I would snap into a Slim Jim,

feel the smooth meaty bite, and wash it down with something cold and refreshing, just like I always had. But it didn't feel right this time; not since the day when I had

gnawed his putrid flesh, took his woven grass cloak, leather vest & fought the driving snow but perished. My mumified remains mystified scientists 6000 yrs later. My name is Oetzi.