Like an overripe beefsteak tomato rimmed

Like an overripe beefsteak tomato rimmed with cottage cheese, the corpulent remains of Santa Claus lay dead on the hotel floor.

"Looks like freebasing isn't for everyone," said Marion Barry. All he asked was for Santa to bring him some powder snow this Christmas. Marion put Santa's body in the closet. Maids

found the big Red Sack in the closet. It was synched up with Santa's stiff head peaking out. His nose was snowdusted & blue. "Will you look at that Martha? She pulled at his beard

& lifted it, revealing a pile of gifts, one of which he was still holding. At another tug of his whiskers, Santa's eyes flew open and pressed his package into Martha's hands.

Martha was so grateful to receive's Santa's package, that she squeezed it, excited to see what was inside. This made Santa happy. He wanted her to unwrap his package so she could

show it to Aunt Valetta who was always going on & on about Josh's (from work) package. Santa was confident his package was bigger and better than Josh's. Martha measured the girth

& didn't know how to break the news to Santa, so Martha changed the subject. "Josh (from work) says they serve good beer at The Famous Cock." Santa exploded. "All I hear is Josh th

Is moment is they serve good beer." Martha didn't want Santa to know Josh liked to get drunk on christmas eve. Last year it was particularly embarrassing and he got his fourth DUI

Druid Under the Influence. They tied Josh to a Great Oak binding him with saplings of the 7 trees. But we moved on from that here we are on Christmas Eve hiding our drunkenness fro

-m Uncle Stewart, who thinks that alcohol is the devil's handmaiden, whatever that means. We keep having to dive under the table to conceal our giggle fits. Uncle Stew is steamed.