She never gave me specifics and I didn’t

She never gave me specifics and I didn’t ask but she’d left town the same night I did and didn’t cross my path until she wanted to seven years ago. I slid out of the way without

picking up the check at any of the dinner's we went out to. Pure cheap-guy brilliance. Now she was back and

armed. If this dickwit didn't pay this time she was going to grate him. Upon their arrival she took note of the location of cheese grater and was quickly planning the demise of his

perfectly tanned skin when he sauntered over, handed her a fiver, touched her elbow and said 'Babe,' as a greeting. Irritation immediately melting, she forgot about the grater and

lady patties. The customer curled his lip but didn't speak his mind. Instead he lit a cig and waited it out. When the manager finished his grope, the customer followed him into the

back of the beer cooler as he pulled a roll of 100's from his pocket. "Lady patties." His voice could scare sharks. The manager opened a small crate and

gestured toward the contents. "Go on, take a peek," he glowered. I inched forward, nervously. My palms were sweating and my throat felt tight, but I was also strangely

ambivalent. I mean, were all the secrets to the universe contained in that band-aid box? I was the top bidder on Ebay so maybe I was having buyer's remorse. I flipped the lid and

found paradise. I lived forever more free of worry and strife, and with an infinite supply of Spongebob Squarepants band-aids. Hallelujah, if that's how it's spelled!