My super-duper-extra-strength Zit Zapper

My super-duper-extra-strength Zit Zapper with an illegal dose of benzoyl peroxide just arrived in the mail. I tore open the package and lathered it on like soap. These pimples were

about to go down. I was going to end my problems with acne once and for all. And if it didnt word i'd just have to murder the company that promised the Zit Zapper would work.

I woke up the next morning and looked at my face. My acne was completely cleared! Word to Zit Zapper! But then I noticed my nose was gone.

In the Zit Zapper "Actual Customer" portion of the infomercial,it's also touted as emergency plastic surgery. I smile on camera as I hear a fart. I would never need to smell again!

I tried to look convincingly like I was happy never to be able to smell again. I smelled my armpit & shrugged, smiling. The Zit Zapper Infomercial was my big break. I got an offer

from a naked black man with a tube sock over his private parts but I stayed focused. I was going to be on the Zit Zapper infomercial. I needed Zits. I lowered my face into a big

Bucket of grease, to get myself plenty dirtied so I could accomplish this.

I recited the incantation and apparently got it right. A purple light appeared in the distance and grew brighter and brighter. The grease I had covered my body in protected me fro

m from the harmful rays of the purple light and this time I shall finish you it said the purple light blue brighter you do not scare me I said foolish mortal you have no i

dea how to punctuate sentences it matters naught I said who cares? The purple light faded when I finally opened my eyes. I was soaked in sweat and my heart still raced. MY GAWD!