He was a slacker's slacker. With the touch

He was a slacker's slacker. With the touch of Bill Murray and sprinkles of Rip Van Winkle he took reclining on the sofa all the way to broadway. His one man show was called

Dude Chills on a Beanbag and featured a whole lotta nothing. Thanks to one key rave review in the inaugural beanbaggery expose, the show was a hipster hit and everyone tried to exp

demerit-grind to lower their levels and brag about how many of them they needed and for how long just to slay one mob. I don't get all that hipster raver coffeehouse elitism crap.

I also don't get it when people speak to me in Finnish. Bastards... Finnish bastards... And don't get me started on the Danes! To be or not to be? They're just talking crap!

And then theirs the Swedes with their "Ye bur spare horn gair scare um børt børt børt" and Pippi Långstrump, that steroid pumped viking brat, or the English, with their

Butterflies on melba toast. The Kraken showing his buff abs on holiday retreat with his new paramour, as reported by The Daily Mail. Snowflakes on coffee. The works.

In fact the range of items on offer was getting so ridiculous that I found myself wondering just how much this was all going to cost. Opening my wallet a few moths flew out and

robbed banks for my shopping spree. And soon enough, my riches became the envy of tycoons. Satisfaction? Contentment? Can't hear you over my endangered shark caviar.

Love? Who needs it when you can have a chocolate replica of yourself manufactured fresh every day? A long, fruitful life- compared to a pet tiger? See ya later, suckers. Rawr!