The heavens once an object of superstition
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The heavens once an object of superstition & fear now a vast region for growing knowledge: thousands of planets are known but what kind of life if any inhabits these other planets?
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I sat and wondered. Then my Uncle Bob came in and said it's time. My mind reading has revealed you are ready for your first trip to Earth. Here on Glopslic we thought we were alone
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, but further research showed us that there are others like us out there and you've been chosen to go and greet them." And, bob's your uncle, there I was, leaving Glopslic forever
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to work as a bloody tosser at her Majesty’s pleasure: Crackerbox Palace. For a fortnight, I did little more than catch flies and wish I were in Glopslic…the plan went all to pot.
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"Alfred." "Yes your Majesty?" "Bring forth the bloody tosser." Alfred pushed me to the floor. "Bloody tosser, toss for my pleasure." Her Majesty spoke. Immediately I started
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feeling out of place, uncomfortable with this entire situation. "No-ooo thank you, Your Majesty," I stammered. "I don't wanna toss." Deafening silence filled the hall. Alfred
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pointedly gave me the ball & glanced meaningfully at Cersei who had 2 strikes. I sighed, wound up, fired a changeup. She swung & missed. "Out!" yelled the umpire, and was executed.
7 -
This game of Deathball was going well for us. As the pitcher, I was the most important player on the team. It usually gives me more pleasure to execute an opponent, but
8 -
Satan wore jersey number 666 and outscored my team 42-41. Ouch. My wife wanted to offer Satan pepperoni pizza, but he wanted anchovies. Faust made him a small one. It was fishy.
3 -
Satan grew suspicious when the anchovies locked and loaded their weapons. Machiavelli stoked the fires when he mentioned the Trump administration.
5
- Started
- 2017-02-28 08:37:27
- Finished
- 2017-03-07 03:17:20
15 Comments
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Magic Mar 08 2017 @ 01:37
Favourite line - "Bloody tosser, toss for my pleasure." LOL
LordVacuity Mar 08 2017 @ 16:15
Sorry, I couldn't not see the salad being tossed. I believe that is its purpose.
PurpleProf Mar 09 2017 @ 00:58
Ok...as the old lady of this bunch, I have to ask....What is a "tosser"? Is this something I have to look up on Urban Dictionary? Is this like the time I had to look up the term "Cleveland Steamer"???? (Thanks, MoralEnd, for that one.) If it's something disgusting, don't tell me!!!!!
IceSquad Mar 09 2017 @ 02:21
We won't.
Woab Mar 09 2017 @ 10:01
I dunno Prof, I'm pretty old myself. But from watching 'Doc Martin' in PBS I gather that a tosser is someone who could be tossed out, like garbage.
Rebbie Mar 09 2017 @ 12:16
Yep I looked it up and it was exactly what I thought. Does this mean i have a bad mind? Ugh!
Flopp Mar 09 2017 @ 12:49
Well a tosser is, in British Slang, someone who is known to masturbate frequently. At least, that's what I've gathered from my friends
PurpleProf Mar 09 2017 @ 12:51
I've said it before: You never know what you might learn on FS. ;)
Jimbeau Mar 09 2017 @ 15:17
Tosser: A contemptible idiot...or, a wanker...I used it because of the double meaning...double entendre...
Jimbeau Mar 09 2017 @ 15:19
Oh...and to catch flies means to stand around with your mouth open...not to catch fly balls in baseball...
Jimbeau Mar 09 2017 @ 15:22
I'm older than dirt...
LordVacuity Mar 09 2017 @ 15:38
Tossing the salad is another one you might not want to look up. It surprised me to know that a Cleveland Steamer had made an appearance before I brought it up.
LordVacuity Mar 09 2017 @ 15:45
I am always forgetting that I am familiar with a myriad of topics most others avoid. I remember back in 6th grade when I made a quite funny joke about Trotsky and a hammer and all I got was dumb blank faces looking at me with pity. I resolved then never to discuss sports, a subject I have little interest in.
Flopp Mar 09 2017 @ 15:46
Ah the cleveland steamer. I remember that one appeared years ago
Rebbie Mar 09 2017 @ 19:27
I looked that one up despite the warning of ThePurpleProf and seriously I felt nauseous. EEEW!