Roberta had always considered budget airlines

"I'll see you in Hell O'Leary". She should have left the plane when the flight attendants began showing passengers how to strap themselves into the peddles powering the propellers

, but then she wouldn't have known how to power the propellers, and she'd look foolish in front of the other passengers. Besides, she thought, the airplane to hell is flown with

not a wing and a prayer, but the curses of the damned. The flight attendant motioned to the emergency exits which were boarded up with iron nails. "Enjoy your flight on HellAir."

Vincent Price said as the Satanic Aircraft prepared for the final descent. I had to piss real bad all of a sudden, but my buckle was stuck. I called the stewardess and flaming

rain began to fall throughout the aircraft. A river of fire came gushing down the center aisle as I struggled with the buckle. "GOD DAMN IT" I yelled. A dam instantly appeared

. Re-conjuring my powers of literalness, I said, "This buckle is BULLSHIT." The buckle transformed into runny bullshit, allowing me to break free. I jumped out of the plane and

at this point I decided to turn off the TV. The plot of the movie had become surreal and the writing was clearly poor. I decided to walk down to the corner shop for some chips.

On the way down the block I ran into an old friend I hadn't seen for years. He began regaling me with his recent adventures in jail, many of which included

dropping the soap. His friend, Bubba, said he could offer me protection but the price was too great. I'm saving myself for someone a little less hairy and a little more female.