Hoomla! To weezum again the gentle caterpunk

  • Hoomla! To weezum again the gentle caterpunk of the Shrincken lava pits. To intartly pinckle the Humbles of Funnickly. Salop! I Fagan, am a duppled patiworl, snaping for a grumlop!

  • This was of course an unpublished Roald Dahl book. It was worth a fortune. Now if I could just get out of this old lady's house with my one good leg.

  • Stuffing the priceless manuscript into my satchel, I bid the spinster a good afternoon and hobbled out of the door, politely rebuffing requests for more tea. Then a steel grip

  • grabbed me by the shoulder. I struggled against it for a moment, trying to get away. "You're not leaving," The spinster said, tightening her grip, "I won't let you."

  • The spinster cackled wildly, cobwebs lining her lips, cats perched on her person. "You're not leaving without some of this." She held out a plate of fresh baked cookies menacingly.

  • "Uh, no thanks--" but before I could refuse she had already shoved a cookie into my mouth. The cookie was so gooey it practically sealed my mouth shut.

  • I panicked. In that moment, I realized the cookie had been her plan all along. I tried to open my mouth, but the gooey chocolate had turned into concrete. She grinned maliciously.

  • It ended up on the floor, shattering her wine glasses into 3,737,158 shards. The noise police were called and arrested both her and the cookie. They made her eat it and she

  • was going to love it or they would know why! She ate it and told them she loved it and could she please go to the toilet now. The noise police nodded sheepishly that she could. She

  • somehow managed to keep her cheeks from bulging and remembered to sigh and roll the tissue after spitting the dreadful meal into the toilet. The window was her only exit now.



  1. Digit May 30 2017 @ 11:26

    Woab you legend. I've been waiting for this one! Good stuff all!

  2. Dhanithecat May 30 2017 @ 11:28

    Me top.

  3. Woab May 30 2017 @ 11:30

    Yesterday my Mom tried to get me to eat a chocolate covered strawberry that had been mailed to her from across the country before Mother's Day (May 14th). The bottom was a grey slimy mess, but how do you argue with a 92 year old? She was convinced that it was still okay to eat and would not let me "save it for later". I was not. I wrapped it in a paper napkin and pretended to eat it, then tossed it in the trash. This was the inspiration for my fold.

  4. SlimWhitman Jun 03 2017 @ 18:04

    My father got sick while visiting an aunt who was a terrible cook and she doted on him, bringing him meals which were secretly flushed down the toilet. Luckily she didn't insist on feeding him.

Want to leave a comment?

Sign up!