My name is Florida, but my friends call me

My name is Florida, but my friends call me Flo. Actually, everyone calls me that because

being named after a state is very un-cool. My parents were hippies and had hoped to make it to Florida but instead we have spent most of my life in

North Dakota. My brother, Confusion, always hated the state naming thing too. He was brutally beaten as a kid, both on the playground and

now as an adult on live TV as he was now an Extreme Fighter on pay-per-view. The worst part was our mom kept betting against him with her bookie in Vegas. She racked up a

set of billiard balls and broke them like a pro. Betting on her children's fights was apparently not the only thing she learned in Vegas. She also began dressing only in the fur of

hairless cats so you can imagine that it took more than a few of them to gather the requisite material. She hiked up her hairless cat fur dungarees and spat. 4-ball in the corner

pocket. She took her mother of cat cue and pounded the white ball as hard as possible. She had no idea how to play billiards, or snooker, or pool, but her cleavage was enough to

distract any man, or woman for that matter. As the shock waves from her pendulous chest swam out across the room engulfing all before her the ball lept up and into

the awesome thunder clap between her breasts which compressed the ball into a diamond, she was Mamagnon, the Greek Goddess of "Big Black Titties" and the mortals

commemorated her birthday each year with a national celebration of diversity.